silence means i'm in pain.

grabe..
i can't remember the time na i feel betrayed by anyone until TODAY.
and it's because of my best friend.

my best friend and i... by the way.. he's a HE. a boy, i mean.. we're best friends for almost two years... i'm in an all-girls school while he's in a co-ed. how we became "BES". is a long story..!!

we share everything.. NO SECRETS. i always tell him everything. from my personal life down to my love life. and he also do the same- - -

then he met "HER". (i will not name names because i don't like.):p naging close sila because of me. naghahanap kasi ng girlfriend ang BES ko so... i provided one for him. (as always) i always give him what he wants.. out of habit.


at first.. we're still ok. but sometimes.. i feel the distance between us. it's not the same. our relationship was as easy as breathing. But when he courted "HER", i feel unimportant to him.
i know and i accept that our relationship will be affected by this sudden courtship.

then... i opened this up to him... want to know his reply?


"your my BES, and always will be. walang dapat magbago dun."

i feel secured.


then something happened today that made me cry.

HE LIED.

i hate it. i hate his guts to face me when he knows he's lying to me.

he lied.. telling me that "her" and him are not yet hooking up because they need time.
what i didn't know.. i was the only one in our "barkada" that doesn't know that they already hooked-up.

i was upset.. not because I'm jealous.. its because that the fact that he lied to me made my heart want to cry out "F***".



Especially when he said... "bes, hndi ko siya pinapayagan na sagutin ako. gusto ko magtagal pa ligawan namin."
then i made him promise to tell me everything when they are already together.. and of course, he said "YES"

i was so hurt that i didn't talk to him when our barkada gathered again this afternoon. He thought that i was only bluffing when i told him i hate him.

i dont know when i will forgive him... he didn't even asked for forgiveness.
i told myself that it's not my loss. that it's ok. but i can't seem to face the truth that sometimes i expected to much from him.